Ho, Ho, Ho: The Wholesome, Inappropriate and Wild Requests Mall Santas Have Heard from Kids

This story is a weird request straight from the person who asked it. As a kid, our storyteller was obsessed with Santa Claus, which is reasonable for a kid. He was so obsessed, in fact, that he wanted to BE Santa. He loved Santa’s job and wanted to spend his life doing exactly what Santa did with his time.

Looking back, he knows that his younger self probably wanted a Santa costume or something. But his wish came out in a totally creepy way. Being such a little kid, he didn’t know how to articulate what he wanted. His wish came out as a request to wear Santa’s skin for Christmas. Actual Santa was probably speechless, and so are we.